My Favorite Golf Quotes

One of the things I’ve always loved about golf is the number of notable personalities and characters that have picked up the sticks over the years. Today’s Tour pros like Tiger, Phil and the rest are just the latest in a long line of loopers who cracked wise almost as often as they cracked 80. Arnold Palmer, Jack Nicklaus, Chi Chi Rodriguez, and Lee Trevino were all great golfers with a serious sense of humor. I like to think Lee was talking about me when he said, “My swing is so bad I look like a caveman killing his lunch!”

Below you’ll find some of my favorite and funniest golf quotes. Feel free to add yours if you don’t see it on the list!

-Scratch the Golfin’ Caveman

PS: TONS of famous actors, musicians, politicians and athletes are known to tee it up now and then. Check back soon for a list of the 50 best (and worst!) celebrity golfers!

“I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone’s golf game: it’s called an eraser.” ~Arnold Palmer

“One under a tree, one under a bush, one under the water.” ~Lee Trevino, describing how he was one under during a tournament

“Reverse every natural instinct and do the opposite of what you are inclined to do, and you will probably come very close to having a perfect golf swing.” ~Ben Hogan

“If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.” ~Jack Lemmon, actor

“The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.” ~Rev. Billy Graham

“I would like to deny all allegations by Bob Hope that during my last game of golf, I hit an eagle, a birdie, an elk and a moose.” ~Former President Gerald Ford

 
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24 thoughts on “My Favorite Golf Quotes

  • March 27, 2009 at 6:27 pm
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    My favorite quote? “A gimme is an agreement between two golfers, neither of whom can putt.” Too true…..

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  • March 29, 2009 at 3:06 pm
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    “This crowd has gone deadly silent, a Cinderella story outta nowhere. Former greenskeeper and now about to become the masters champion … He’s on his final hole. He’s about 455 yards away, he’s gonna hit about a 2 iron I think … IT’S IN THE HOLE!” – Carl Spackler

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  • March 29, 2009 at 3:09 pm
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    “Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course…the space between your ears.” – Bobby Jones

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  • March 29, 2009 at 3:13 pm
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    “Nice clods, Stadler. Did you get those at a Buster Brown fire sale?” – Fuzzy Zoeller

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  • March 29, 2009 at 3:16 pm
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    “Golf is a good walk spoiled” – Mark Twain

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  • March 29, 2009 at 3:20 pm
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    “Putting allows the touchy golfer two to four opportunities to blow a gasket in the short space of two to forty feet.” – Tommy Bolt

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  • March 29, 2009 at 3:34 pm
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    “This is for Venturi who thinks I should lay up.” – Roy ‘Tin Cup’ McAvoy

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  • March 29, 2009 at 4:02 pm
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    “It’s hard to tell who’s going to win this week, but it probably won’t be a big, fat guy.” – David Feherty

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  • March 29, 2009 at 4:09 pm
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    “I can’t believe you’re a professional golfer. I think you should be working at the snack bar.” – Bob Barker

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  • March 29, 2009 at 4:17 pm
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    “If I had cleared the trees and drove the green, it would’ve been a great shot.” – Sam Snead

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  • March 29, 2009 at 4:18 pm
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    “If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt.” – Dean Martin

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  • March 29, 2009 at 4:23 pm
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    “I’ve had a good day when I don’t fall out of the cart.” – Buddy Hackett

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  • March 29, 2009 at 4:25 pm
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    “Here are two things you can do with your head down – PLAY GOLF AND PRAY.” – Lee Trevino

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  • March 29, 2009 at 4:29 pm
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    David Letterman’s Top Ten Reasons why Golf Is Better Than Sex!

    #10… A below par performance is considered damn good.
    #9… You can stop in the middle and have a burger and a couple of
    beers.
    #8… It’s much easier to find the sweet spot.
    #7… Foursomes are encouraged.
    #6… You can still make money doing it as a senior.
    #5… Three times a day is possible.
    #4… Your partner doesn’t hire a lawyer if you play with someone
    else.
    #3… If you live in Florida, you can do it almost every day.
    #2… You don’t have to cuddle with your partner when you’re finished.

    And his NUMBER ONE reason why golf is better than sex…..
    #1… When your equipment gets old you can replace it.

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  • March 29, 2009 at 5:24 pm
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    “I play every single morning. Alice Cooper has never played golf. I play golf. If you put golf clubs on stage, he would think they were weapons.” – Vincent Damon Furnier/Alice Cooper

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  • March 29, 2009 at 8:28 pm
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    You can’t perform “YOUR BEST” on every shot!
    Applies to all things in life.

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  • March 29, 2009 at 8:31 pm
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    Playing bad golf is just like having fun, BUT DIFFERENT!

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  • March 30, 2009 at 2:22 am
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    “I can tell you one thing. I’ve done this my way. I don’t have anybody to blame for this win but me, and I love it.” – John Daly

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  • March 30, 2009 at 7:33 am
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    YOU NEVER REALLY PLAY GOLF-GOLF PLAYS YOU.

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  • March 30, 2009 at 1:55 pm
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    “Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.” – Author Unknown

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  • March 30, 2009 at 2:02 pm
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    “Swinging at daisies is like playing electric guitar with a tennis racket: if it were that easy, we could all be Jerry Garcia. The ball changes everything.” – Michael Bamberger

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  • August 21, 2012 at 9:59 pm
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    Although this is an older article, Discovered your website using Bing. This is a decent post. I’d like to see you take the main point of this post and create a second page, and maybe embed a movie, too?

    Reply
  • December 12, 2012 at 11:27 am
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    Greetings from Florida! I’m bored to tears at work so I decided to check out your website on my iphone during lunch break. I enjoy the information you present here and can’t wait to take a look when I get home. I’m shocked at how fast your blog loaded on my mobile .. I’m not even using WIFI, just 3G .. Anyways, awesome blog!

    Reply

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