My Favorite Golf Quotes
One of the things I’ve always loved about golf is the number of notable personalities and characters that have picked up the sticks over the years. Today’s Tour pros like Tiger, Phil and the rest are just the latest in a long line of loopers who cracked wise almost as often as they cracked 80. Arnold Palmer, Jack Nicklaus, Chi Chi Rodriguez, and Lee Trevino were all great golfers with a serious sense of humor. I like to think Lee was talking about me when he said, “My swing is so bad I look like a caveman killing his lunch!”
Below you’ll find some of my favorite and funniest golf quotes. Feel free to add yours if you don’t see it on the list!
-Scratch the Golfin’ Caveman
PS: TONS of famous actors, musicians, politicians and athletes are known to tee it up now and then. Check back soon for a list of the 50 best (and worst!) celebrity golfers!
“I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone’s golf game: it’s called an eraser.” ~Arnold Palmer
“One under a tree, one under a bush, one under the water.” ~Lee Trevino, describing how he was one under during a tournament
“Reverse every natural instinct and do the opposite of what you are inclined to do, and you will probably come very close to having a perfect golf swing.” ~Ben Hogan
“If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.” ~Jack Lemmon, actor
“The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.” ~Rev. Billy Graham
“I would like to deny all allegations by Bob Hope that during my last game of golf, I hit an eagle, a birdie, an elk and a moose.” ~Former President Gerald Ford
My favorite quote? “A gimme is an agreement between two golfers, neither of whom can putt.” Too true…..
“This crowd has gone deadly silent, a Cinderella story outta nowhere. Former greenskeeper and now about to become the masters champion … He’s on his final hole. He’s about 455 yards away, he’s gonna hit about a 2 iron I think … IT’S IN THE HOLE!” – Carl Spackler
Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course…the space between your ears. – Bobby Jones
Nice clods, Stadler. Did you get those at a Buster Brown fire sale? – Fuzzy Zoeller
“Golf is a good walk spoiled” – Mark Twain
“Putting allows the touchy golfer two to four opportunities to blow a gasket in the short space of two to forty feet.” – Tommy Bolt
“This is for Venturi who thinks I should lay up.” – Roy ‘Tin Cup’ McAvoy
“It’s hard to tell who’s going to win this week, but it probably won’t be a big, fat guy.” – David Feherty
“I can’t believe you’re a professional golfer. I think you should be working at the snack bar.” – Bob Barker
If I had cleared the trees and drove the green, it would’ve been a great shot. Sam Snead
“If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt.” Dean Martin
“I’ve had a good day when I don’t fall out of the cart.” – Buddy Hackett
“Here are two things you can do with your head down – PLAY GOLF AND PRAY.” – Lee Trevino
David Letterman’s Top Ten Reasons why Golf Is Better Than Sex!
#10… A below par performance is considered damn good.
#9… You can stop in the middle and have a burger and a couple of
beers.
#8… It’s much easier to find the sweet spot.
#7… Foursomes are encouraged.
#6… You can still make money doing it as a senior.
#5… Three times a day is possible.
#4… Your partner doesn’t hire a lawyer if you play with someone
else.
#3… If you live in Florida, you can do it almost every day.
#2… You don’t have to cuddle with your partner when you’re finished.
And his NUMBER ONE reason why golf is better than sex…..
#1… When your equipment gets old you can replace it.
I play every single morning. Alice Cooper has never played golf. I play golf. If you put golf clubs on stage, he would think they were weapons. – Vincent Damon Furnier/Alice Cooper
You can’t perform “YOUR BEST” on every shot!
Applies to all things in life.
Playing bad golf is just like having fun, BUT DIFFERENT!
“I can tell you one thing. I’ve done this my way. I don’t have anybody to blame for this win but me, and I love it.” – John Daly
YOU NEVER REALLY PLAY GOLF-GOLF PLAYS YOU.
“Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.” – Author Unknown
“Swinging at daisies is like playing electric guitar with a tennis racket: if it were that easy, we could all be Jerry Garcia. The ball changes everything.” – Michael Bamberger
“You can talk to a fade, but a slice won’t listen.” Lee Trevino
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